


To love, or not to love? Either way it's a goddamn inconvenience.

by daiikon



Category: Danshi Koukousei no Nichijou | Daily Lives of High School Boys
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Crush, Boys Being Boys, Dirty Jokes, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Nonsensical bantering, Obtuse Metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daiikon/pseuds/daiikon
Summary: Hidenori's love life can be described as being stuck in a stagnant stage of endless grinding to beat an impossible boss battle in a game that he has no hopes of winning against. Of course it has to be set on high difficulty, because of course he'd put himself in the worse situation possible, because clearly he has some masochistic tendency to self-inflict agonizing cringe-attacks on his poor benevolent soul.





	1. In which Hidenori laments about unbeatable boss games and a blonde idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse my incredulous attempts at humor.  
> Also where is season two I am crying and desperate

Hidenori's love life can be described as being stuck in a stagnant stage of endless grinding to beat an impossible boss battle in a game that he has no hopes of winning against. _Of course_ it has to be set on high difficulty, because _of course_ he'd put himself in the worse situation possible, because _clearly_ he has some masochistic tendency to self-inflict agonizing cringe-attacks on his poor benevolent soul.

To be fair, he did try to level up so he could face the boss more seriously. He really did try, honest. But how, pray tell, would he be able to level up anything if his courage stat would plummet to the negatives whenever he came face to face against the demon with idiotic blond hair and dumb deadbeat eyes. What a tragedy! Hours of preparation zipped to null because that beast has the audacity to have some ridiculous OP skill that would suck every coherent attack strategy into the void. It didn't have to do anything either! One look at its annoying face was all it took for Hidenori to get suckerpunched in the gut with FEELS. 9000% super effective.

The stress was unreal.

Hidenori made several attempts to abandon the game before. He thought it would end up like one of those moments where you would just leave it on the shelf and let it collect dust where eventually, maybe a few years later, you'll find it while moving out and look back on it as a fond, distant memory. Maybe you'll even laugh at it, on the foolishness and naievity of your childhood, before completely throwing it away for good.

Nevertheless, at this point it felt like procrastinating on a homework assignment that obsessively nags at the corner of your mind. But, like most youths his age escaping from the innermost realms of reality, he figures if he sleeps it off and ignores the feeling it'll just resolve itself on its own. _Eventually_. Hidenori prides himself on being an exceptional procrastinator so it should have been easy.

Key words being ' _should have'_.

"Seriously? Another otome game?" Tadakuni chastises the moment he crosses the threshold into Hidenori's bedroom. He might've just been bitter thinking he was called out here to watch Hidenori gallantly woo 2D animated girls again (for the nth time this week), which, technically, is more than half the reason he was called here, but the remaining thirty percent was for another crucial purpose.

Pointedly ignoring the insolent call-out on what Tadakuni deem as the obligatory single-life hobby, Hidenori starts a different line of conversation.

"Say, what would you do if you're faced with a high level demon boss with nothing on you but your pride and cute sarcastic wit."

"Cu-huh?! What does that even have to do with - ugh, you know what, okay." Tadakuni sighs defeatedly, as if he was used to being thrown into a confusing conversation loop without prior warning. "Well um, maybe talk it out with each other and resolve it peacefully? Because maybe...maybe it's all just a simple misunderstanding. Maybe the demon lord is just lonely and wanted to be friends with the villagers? If that doesn't work out, I guess you can try to seduce him too and..." Tadakuni averts eye contact. "It's a possibility! Don't look at me like that!! Ugh, is this a trick question, 'cause you're pretty much guaranteed dead without proper equips and skill."

There was a valid point in there, somewhere.

"...Logically speaking, isn't looking at a walkthrough the most rational thing to do when faced with an impossible boss stage."

"I mean yeah, I guess." Tadakuni still looks a bit lost, as if he wasn't following. "So like, are you saying this otome game is hard enough to the point where you have to use a walkthrough? Because I'm not sure whether that's sad or -"

"Fool!" Hidenori interjects, tearing his eyes away from the device. "Otome games itself are walkthroughs on the complexity of life and their ample web of human interactions. That's exactly why I'm resorting to such means to achieve the ultimate success rate." Hidenori clicks his tongue, indicating his obvious disapproval. "I thought you of all people would be able to understand that, Tadakuni!"  
  
"Ok hold up what's that supposed to mean?! And wait wait wait, you're using otome games as a walkthrough for real life?"

"Tch, as if you'd understand. Tch."

"Stop clicking your tongue like that! It's pissing me off!!" Tadakuni is only met with a judgmental eye-squint before exhaling flatly. "Okay okay fine, then can I at least ask this." Tadakuni jerks a finger to the PSP screen, his tone critically accusing. "Why do you always pick the childhood friend route? Half of those girls aren't even your type!"

"You're right," Hidenori chews his lower lip in annoyance, thumb dangling between the first and second conversation option on the screen. The last choice he made earned him (well, his in-game character) a slap on the cheek, which indicated his descent into the bad-end route. He has to play it cautious for now. "A good chunk of them are tsunderes while the rest teeter on borderline yandere. The frame of reference is completely off, but it'll have make do."

"Frame of reference....? Who exactly are you-" Tadakuni's voice suddenly halts to a short stop, eyes round as realization hits him like an unwarranted fastball pitched straight to the face. "Ah."

Tadakuni's uncanny ability to be exceptionally perspective is something Hidenori is more or less grateful for. It makes explaining things less tedious. It also makes the guy perfect for playing the straight-man in all the absurd skits they do.

Also, there goes the last chance at a good-end for this game. Hidenori stares displeasingly at the CG of the girl leaving his character behind in the rain. Ugh. He'll have to reset to the save point and try again. Fifth time's a charm.

"So....you're currently in love. With a childhood friend." Tadakuni starts slowly, testing the waters before diving into his round-a-bout way of interrogation. "Maybe even...a best friend." Hidenori steels himself for the worse, fixating his eyes onto the screen of his PSP. 

Coming out like this to one of his closest friends was a lot more nerve-racking than he initially thought it would be.

"Don't tell me it's..."

Hidenori nervously peers to the side, watching as Tadakuni's face morph into something akin to shock and horror. "It's...it's not _ME_ , is it?"

"What!? No!" Hidenori shouts defiantly, nearly throwing his game console at the other's face. "What gave you that idea, you moron! It's - it's-"

"It's Yoshitake, I know." Tadakuni reverts back to his neutral expression, shrugging it off nonchantly. "Sorry. Couldn't help but pull your leg."

"You knew?" Hidenori inquires, looking heniously offended. He'll have to talk about Tadakuni diverting from his straight-man role, but that can come later. Right now, he has to deal with the sudden heatwave that was burning off his cheeks.

"No but...I kind of had a feeling it would be."

"Tch."

"I told you to quit it with that," Tadakuni jibes, but there wasn't much bite to it. He scratches the back of his neck, as if contemplating what to say, but the words came out in a typical Tadakuni fashion -- lamely honest but relatively reassuring. "It's cool, you know. It's not like I really care. Besides, you guys get along really well so I'm not all that surprised. Well I mean, I kind of was, but not really."

Hidenori makes a face because he isn't quite sure what to make of that. Tadakuni makes a face back.

"Just spare me from any PDA, please. That's all I ask."

Okay, Hidenori definitely isn't sure what to make of that. "In what way do you even think we'd be the type to do that kind of thing!"

"Well I mean in public, didn't you guys already, you know, technically - " Tadakuni puckers his lips and presses his index fingers together.

Hidenori's eyes lights up. "Are we going to dig that moment back up again? Do you always have to drag me back down into the pits of haunting washed-up flashbacks, you asshole?! For the millionth time there was a wasp! A huge wasp _this close_ to mutilating my luscious lips! What else was I supposed to do, _die_?!"

As if on cue, and probably fate's twisted way to add in unnecessary dramatic effect, the door slides open to reveal a new guest sporting an obscure manga in one hand and a bag of convenience store goods in the other. Aware of his consistent track record on fate's hilarious attempts to mess with his life, Hidenori really should've seen this one coming.

"Yo," Yoshitake greets casually. "Part-time ended early."

Frozen, Hidenori and Tadakuni look on as the blond strides in and settles down on his side. He pops open a bottle of ramune and makes himself comfortable before opening to the page where he left off in his manga. There was a moment of silence that presses on, probably one that didn't last for more than a minute but to Hidenori, it felt like each second was chucking two years worth of his life away.

It wasn't until Yoshitake addresses the blatant elephant in the room that Hidenori thrusts into panic mode.

"I think seduction would be the best method, wouldn't it? Strategically, showing off your brute strength makes the most sense for appeal on the demon lord route, but the love meter would definitely drop if you decide to fight him for no reason."

_HE KNOOOOOOOOWS! He knows, he knows, HE KNOWS!_

Hidenori isn't sure what part of the conversation made Yoshitake think he's playing a dating sim involving a demon lord, but that part is insignificant compared to the chunk of dialogue that came afterwards.

Tadakuni, face immorrally blank, stands up abruptly. "I got a stomachache. I think I'll go home for today. See ya guys la--"

Tadakuni stops in his tracks as Hidenori instantly shoots out to grab his leg.

If the mental warfare could be translated through the depiction of their exchanged looks, it would've went something like this:

_LET GOOOOOO! LET GO OF MY ANKLE!! There is no way I'm staying in this awkward trap for a second longer!!_

_Like hell I would! If this ship is sinking, I'm dragging every sailor down with me!! All for one and one for all, Tadakuniiiiii!!!!_

_THAT'S NOT HOW THE SAYING WORKS!_

Tadakuni, in a sudden display of brilliant acting, doubles-over and grabs his stomach in faux pain. "I don't think I can hold it any longer. Go on..without..me...captain!" With that, Tadakuni gracefully dashes through the entrance way and slides the door shut.

_Traitor!_

Hidenori, in an effort to save face, silently composes himself while slowly counting down to zero. It's bound to happen eventually, and Hidenori figures he might as well try to maintain his pride before it all goes to shit.

"Seduction. Right." Hidenori continues the conversation as if nothing happened. "...But let's say the protagonist isn't sure whether or not the demon lord would reciprocate his feelings. What then?"

Yoshitake, who is staring confusedly at the door Tadakuni just exited from, peers back with a curious look. "Simply just ask him?"

As if it was that easy!

"What if he's an idiot and still doesn't get it?"

"Slap him in the face until he gets it then."

"And if the protagonist gets rejected?"

"Then they can still be good friends."

Ahhh what a pain. Ahhh he should just jump out the window and end his misery already. _It's the first floor, dumbass_ , his brain helpfully supplies, but ahhhh anything was better than dealing with this teenage-fuelled emotional turmoil right now. 

"Hidenori? Uhh earth to Hidenori? Is the demon lord that hard to seduce?" 

Hidenori isn't sure just how much longer he can last with this charade, so he decides to just get straight to the point.

"Just how much of the confession did you hear, exactly?"

His voice doesn't waver like he thinks it will, surprisingly. At this rate, Hidenori hopes he can numb his emotions down before the final blow came.

"Hm?" Yoshitake blinks in confusion and goddammit, is he still trying to play dumb? Is this how it's going to be? Are they going to be stuck playing metaphorical footsies until someone gets kicked in the balls?? Hidenori considers smacking some sense into his friend and, loathingly, the object of his incomprehensible affections, but he stops in his mental tracks to reconsider.

Perhaps this is Yoshitake's answer.

That's fair game. If Yoshitake wants to pretend that nothing happened and continue being friends, then Hidenori can respect that decision.

"Oh," Yoshitake speaks up in realization. "I don't know what you're going on about, but I only heard the first part of your convo before taking an emergency dump midway through. _My sister's curry, man. Whew._ Did I miss anything important?"

Hidenori almost lets loose an obnoxiously loud, sardonic laugh. "No," he says while shaking his head. "Not a thing."

With an internally long suffering sigh, Hidenori crawls over to his friend and sits across from him. Stoically, he raises his hand and cups it gently against Yoshitake's cheek.

"...E-eh? Hidenori? What - OW!! WHAT WAS THAT SLAP FOR!? Wait wait, stop with the slapping! WAIT!! What's gotten into you?! I GIVE UP!! I GIVE!!??"


	2. In which Yoshitake wonders about his future and battles it out for Best Waifu status

Yoshitake leans back on the grassy hillside as he watches the sunset from the distance, basking in the glow of what will soon be the start of summer vacation. It'll be his last summer of youth now that he thinks about it, with this year being the end of his highschool career. Soon enough he'll be making those first steps into the realm of adulthood and carry all the responsibilities chained within that status. It's a rapidly approaching change that he'll have to figure out and get used to.

"One time I sneezed so hard while picking a booger and lodged a whole finger into my nose."

Then again, some things will probably stay the same.

"Okay, I'm stopping you right there," Hidenori's face was visibly marked with disgust and a dab of fear. "Save those horror stories for our next sleepover."

"No but like, my heart nearly stopped for a second there. I thought my finger was going to be stuck in there forever! Can you imagine how hard it'll be to do my chopstick gag like that?"

"That should be the least of your concern," Hidenori deadpans. "Just be blessed that you have a future doctor as your friend. Dislodging a finger out of a dumbass shouldn't be all that hard for me." He pauses suddenly, voice grave as he rests a hand on Yoshitake's shoulder. "I doubt I can cure idiocy though, but I'll try my best."

"You're amazing." Yoshitake cooes, resting his own hand on his friend's shoulder. "I leave my life in your hands, Doc."

Hidenori nods and for whole five seconds they stare soulfully at one another, reenacting a soap opera scene of a hospital patient receiving news that he'll get to live a few days longer thanks to the help of his attractive doctor and his shady unconventional methods.

A sexy nurse somehow gets involved in the story which makes Hidenori crack a laugh first, Yoshitake following right after. Both boys break character as they passionately dive into a winded discussion of potential drama and wild affairs that would transpire in their impromptu scenario:

"Holding hands in the janitor's closet can't be sanitary. It's not even cute."

"Neither is giving flirty looks across the operating table, wrist-deep in someone's guts."

Just like that, the banter went back and forth in a steady pace, a routine they were both comfortable and familiar with. At one point, Yoshitake hums thoughtfully during a short lull in conversation. "I think I'll be a doctor too, for kids."

Hidenori blinks, quietly stunned as if he isn't sure whether they were still talking about their roleplay or something else entirely.

Yoshitake proudly jabs a thumb to his chest. "It'll be cool if they look up to me as a hero, you know? I'll be the coolest doctor they'll ever meet."

He waits a beat for a sarcastic jab, or even a loud obnoxious laugh in his face before being completely brushed off. Surprisingly, Yoshitake receives a small smile from him instead.

"Always helping out the little guys. That's so like you." Hidenori raises a fist out. "You're going to have to pull your grades up for that, Doctor Yoshi."

Yoshitake grins and bumps the fist with his own. "Likewise, Doctor Hide."

He finds it oddly reassuring with that one simple comment. Despite all their jokes and foolish antics, he can always count on Hidenori to say the right thing when it matters most.

"Do you think the kids will like my gags?"

Hidenori snorts. "They're kids. Tripping over a lego piece is enough to satisfy their sadistic hunger for weeks."

Yoshitake places a hand over his chest and makes an effort to look abysmally offended. "My kids would definitely appreciate my gold standard humor."

"How about you get a hypothetical girlfriend first before making hypothetical kids."

Yoshitake furrows his brows, contemplative and solemn. "You're right...I'm unworthy. Where can a plebian like myself even afford to catch a good one?"

"You're a good catch yourself," Hidenori slips out smoothly, almost as if by accident. He makes a disgruntled face like he accidentally swallowed bad medicine before gesturing vaguely into the air. "I mean, hypothetically speaking, I would date you if I was a girl. Hypothetically, that is."

"Hypothetically," Yoshitake repeats, grinning. "Thanks man. I'd hypothetically date you too!" He hums thoughtfully at that. "I think I'd make a better hypothetical girlfriend though."

"Oh, is that a challenge?" Hidenori quirks a brow, stroking his chin in mock consideration. "Don't think I'll easily hand over the title of _Best Waifu_ to the likes of you."

"Hah, please! Remember when I cooked you porridge when you were sick? That was domestic as heck!"

"It was disgustingly cold! I ended up with stomach pains on top of the fever, you bastard! If you want domestic, remember the time I cleaned your filthy room and helped hide porn from your snooping sister? Who the hell even buys porn mags anymore?? DIGITAL IS THE WAY TO GO YOU MORON!!"

"DON'T DISMISS THE NOSTALGIC BEAUTY OF HOLDING HARDCOVER MAGAZINES YOU DIRTY ELITIST!!"

"THE ONLY THING THAT'S DIRTY RIGHT NOW IS YOUR PATCHY STUBBLE!"

"GASP, YOU BRUTE! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! SHALL I JUST SHAVE OFF EVERYTHING TO MEET YOUR SOCIAL STANDARDS THEN?? FROM MY HEAD STRAIGHT DOWN TO MY PUBES?!" 

"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PUBES!" 

There was a sudden, high-pitched gasp from behind that made both boys abruptly stop in the middle of their incomprehensible banter. They glance around to see a familiar long-haired girl sitting on the hillside a few meters away, clutching sheets of written papers against her chest with a face colored in an impressive shade of red. With a squeak she scrambles to pick up the pen that she dropped on the grass while trying desperately to cover her face with her other hand.

Yoshitake blinks, warily confused as he looks back towards his best friend.

Hidenori looks almost constipated, as if he was struggling with an internal long-winded monologue inside his own head that he can't get across. Hidenori then starts spurting off something about the wind and Yoshitake takes that as his cue to join in.

The battle for the Waifu throne temporarily held off, until next time.

 


	3. In which Tadakuni is 9000% done with his two best friends

Tadakuni pegs himself as a pretty reasonable guy. Like, he never takes anything seriously despite his straight-man role, nor does he take any real offense to anything thrown at him either, figuratively speaking or otherwise.

When Yoshitake ate the last pudding cup in his fridge without telling him despite the taped sticky note saying not to eat it, did Tadakuni threw a tantrum? No!

When an angry customer threw pizza at his face because they wanted anchovies and not pepperoni,  _even though they clearly ordered_ _pepperoni on the phone,_  was he overcome with unsurmountable boiling rage and cursed them with rotten anchovies for the rest of their lives? Perhaps! But not in rage!  

When a pretty girl accidentally brushed his hand on the bus and his heart accelerated to mach 4, did he take offense when she gave him a sad, pitiful look at his clammy state? Maybe a few manly tears later that night but generally, no!

When he was pranked into wearing his little sister's highschool uniform skirt during the height of their pubescent stupidity, did he murder his two best friends on the spot? Almost! _Almost!_ But he embraced it with every fiber of his shattered dignity!!

Fact of the matter is, Tadakuni's a pretty chill guy. Chillest of the chill. You can shove ten hotpacks down his shirt and he'll still be chilled as chilled leftovers from last night's dinner.

But there's a limit to his saint-like patience, and that limit is about to be breached by his two dimwitted best friends.

"You two are sooo cute, you should like, totally get together!" Tadakuni cooes in a highly strained octave, clasping his hands together while fluttering his lashes. His two friends sitting across the table pause in the midst of shoving chopsticks up each other's nose holes to level him with a blank look.

"Don't be ridiculous, Tadakuni. We're still in highschool. None of us are mentally prepared for the heavy responsibilities tied within the laws of marriage," Hidenori explains sagely, putting his chopsticks down while pushing his glasses up. There's a glint on the glasses as he does so and Tadakuni feels gratuitously annoyed.

"Hidenori is completely right," Yoshitake nods exaggeratedly with furrowed brows. God, that was also annoying. "I could barely pay for the taiyaki I had the other day. I'll have to sell my swimming trunks and a foot to afford a jillion karat engagement ring."

"Okay first of all, there's no such thing as a jillion karat value and how MUCH WORTH DO YOU THINK YOUR SWIMMING TRUNKS HAVE?! -- NO. _No_. Not the point. Aren't you guys completely missing a step here??"

"The first step in marriage is exchanging sake cups to become sworn brethren."  

"What are you two, gangsters?! That's not--"

"Wait, sake is expensive, Yoshitake! It would be more sustainable to use juice instead."

"Hmmm, true. Do you think the flavour of juice matters? Because I'm not particularly fond of grapefruit to be honest."

"Oh for fuck sakes." Tadakuni heaves a long, heavy sigh as he drops the act and headslams face-first into the table. "I give up. You guys work it out yourself. I'm done playing matchmaker with a pair of idiots," Tadakuni rattles on exasperatedly. "So long and good luck! May your love bloom and fucking prosper."

His two friends glance at each other before looking at him in mild concern. "Well geez, Tadakuni. If you really wanted to be the best man at our wedding, we'll give that position to you."

"Yeah, we'll throw you the bouquet too if that'll make you feel better. Then you can be the next one to get married and not feel left out."

"Hidenori! You're so thoughtful. This is why I love you man."

"Hmph, of course! What kind of husband would I be if I leave our child desperate and lonely like that."

"Hidenori..."

"Yoshitake..."

Tadakuni outright whines. "Fuck you guys, _honestly_." He glare-pouts as he lifts his head again to see his two best buds grinning at one another, eyes glimmering in a special kind of way that only they could muster towards each other. Huh. Maybe he doesn't have to worry about these two after all. Tadakuni isn't sure if they were still in-character or messing around, but something in his gut tells him they'll be more than okay. If anything, they both know they have his support and he'll always have their backs through thick and thin, just as they would do so for him.

"Rejoice, Tadakuni! Maybe then you'll find your sweet, destined soulmate you always angst about in your diary."

But fuck them, honestly


End file.
